Teaching Older Babies & Young Toddlers to Follow Simple Directions

I feel so amazed when my 14-month old son listens to my verbal directions. I keep my words short and simple and I tend to use the same phrases over and over. If he looks confused or ignores me, then I demonstrate what I want him to do, or I guide him to the place, or I point to what I want....you get the jest, I'm giving him other cues in addition to my simple words. He likes to crawl up the stairs when he thinks I'm not looking. He's done this since the age of 9 months old. But now that he has a better memory, he knows it is wrong. I am not putting up a baby gate, because he rarely goes to the stairs and he needs to learn to follow directions. Yet, I am aware that some children are more impulsive than my son and a gate is necessary. Recently, he walks over to the stairs and begins to crawl up, then looks at me and tells himself "no". All I do is give him a look of disappointment and correction...you know the look all of us moms give, it is also known as the "evil eye". This look is all it takes for him to come down and walk away. It sounds like I have a fairly compliant child, and overall I do. But I put expectations on him early on and assumed that with repetition and redirection he could learn to "mind". Never assume it is too soon to do such a thing. Just remember to not use fancy words, use short phrases, and use the same words over and over. Most importantly don't yell or over-react because this may create other issues. Also, be consistent. If you told the toddler to not touch the TV yesterday, then the same rule needs to apply to today, or if not, you can guarantee that tomorrow he will touch it again.

Self-Stimming

Do you twirl your hair, tap your fingers on the table, or bite your fingernails? If you do, then you partake in self-stimming (AKA self-stimulating behavior). Many children with developmental delays, poor sensory processing, autism spectrum disorders (ASD), visual impairments, or mental retardation "self-stim", too. It is when a person perseverates on a particular behavior repetitively. They are sometimes odd behaviors, but not always. Many children with special needs do these types of behavior when they are bored, over-whelmed, upset, sensory seeking, unable to motor plan how to do an activity, or just do the self-stimming just to do it. Many children will become upset if you try to stop them from doing the behavior. Some children self-stim so excessively it is obsessive-compulsiove.



The following are some common self-stimulating behaviors:

• flicking fingers or waving hands in front of their face


• spinning toys continuously


• watching ceiling fan


• staring at lights


• staring at lines on the wall, floor tile, or within the furniture (e.g. legs of table)


• shredding paper


• pacing


• rocking


• spinning or swinging


• head banging


• teeth grinding


• playing with spit or fingernails


• acting out a movie scene or telling the same story repeatedly


• repetition of odd noises including throat sounds


• pinching or scratching self

A few ideas on how to stop or reduce the self-stimming behavior are:

1. If the child is self-stimming because he is bored or a sensory seeker, then provide activities that provide sensory input such as jumping on a trampoline, rocking horse, ride-on toy, tunnel, finger paint, play-dough, musical toys or instruments, etc. Also, make sure to leave toys setting out in baskets or containers that are visible, because some kids won't play with toys that are stored away in closets or drawers.


2. If the child is self-stimming because he is over-whelmed or upset, then figure out what could reduce his overloaded feeling. When he is upset because he can't express his needs or wants, then get ideas from his/her speech therapist. Also see the previous post this month on this blog on helping a child to talk if he is delayed in communication skills. If the child is upset because he is hungry or has another basic need, then help the child with it. If he is upset because he "Can't get his way", then hopefully working on behavior managment along with offering other things to do and play will help.


3. If the child is self-stimming because he is unsure of what to do or unable to motor plan well, then help him with doing something else or redirect it. For example, if a child with limited play skills perseverates on jumping, then jump next to him and say "You must want to be a frog, ribbit, ribbit" and encourage him to imitate a frog. Then, after a few minutes change animals and see if he can imitate you. Doing this helps with the motor planning problem by showing him what else can be done.


4. Some kids with limited play skills will only play with toys in simple ways. For example, mabye the child will only build blocks into a tower and become upset if asked to build a different structure. This can be slowly redirected such as to build a train next to his tower, and push the block train with "choo-choo" sounds. He may not build a train that day, but maybe will the next time you try this. Do not feed into the child's limited patterns of play! This is not helping his development in terms of cognition, social-emotional, language, or fine-motor skills. Teach him how to plan in other ways.


5. You can also redirect self-stimming by providing a distraction.


6. Be aware that some children will begin the self-stimming behavior as soon as you walk away. Others may stop the behavior you redirected but then gain a different self-stimming behavior; if that is the case, consider that the child needs more sensory input (AKA sensory diet) and is doing the self-stimming because he is a sensory seeker.

Often redirecting self-stimming or helping the child to play with toys in a new way requires a lot of thinking outside of the box and getting down on the floor to play with the child, such as with the DIR / floortime approach.

Teaching Young Children to Be Patient

My daughter and I have a joke between us when she becomes impatient. If she keeps asking for multiple things at the dinner table and believes that she isn't getting what she wants quick enough, I say "Ah, mommy only has 5 hands or I'd be quicker". Then, she either smiles or says "You don't have 5 hands, you only have 2 hands". I then respond with "Oh, that's why I am so slow!". Even though I am being silly about this to her, it reminds her to be patient and just wait.



Children can't properly learn to take turns with peers and share toys if they haven't learned to be patient. Some ideas on helping toddlers and young children to wait is to not jump for every request they have. If you are busy, take your ole' sweet time and then respond to their wants.....unless the situation is a dangerous one which calls for a speedy response! Also, give them choices to slow down things. For example if your little one is grunting for a drink, you can show him (or her) 2 cups and let him make a choice. This just added at least 15 seconds to the time that he would have initially got the drink. Modeling patience is important as well. When you are at a store with your child, they are watching your responses to the cashier and other staff. Even if you want to complain, hold it in, because it is hard to teach patience if you yourself don't display it.



My 14 month old son seems to like to squeal while in his highchair to express his impatience; not a fun behavior. I do not respond to his request for food until he has quieted down. I give him a small amount of food as well so he has to communicate when he wants more by using sign language or making sounds. He says "nana" for all foods even though it was initially for bananas.

Other ideas to teach patience include playing games in which the child has to wait and then respond. An example includes rolling a ball back and forth to each other, or build a building with blocks while taking turns in who adds the next block. Most importantly, remember to be patient while teaching patience!

Tantrums in Young Toddlers

Tantrums are not exactly fun for the parents. Somehow over night my 13 month old son went from a well-mannered baby to a toddler who is trying to figure out which behaviors are benefiting him the most. Let's see, last month he decided that he would try biting, then he progressed to pinching/ hitting, and he has now advanced to squealing. Although he can do an excellent piglet imitation, my husband and I as well as the babysitter are not too excited about the squealing. The biting and hitting diminished because I nipped that behavior in the bud. But the squealing is not so easy. Now, according to my mom, I was a late talker and when I squealed it was just as high-pitched as my son's squeal. So, I guess I'm getting paid back.



When my son squeals to get more food, then that is easy to redirect. I remind him to use sign-language for "more" or "drink". I do pause versus doling out food immediately, because he needs to learn patience and not think that his squealing got him the food right away. First, I label his wants, "Oh, you must want more food". He then nods, smiles, or becomes quiet. Sometimes he says "mar" for more or "nana" for banana. I then take my ole' sweet time, and if he remains quiet I give him more food.



When he squeals because his older sister took away his toy, then that is easily redirectible too. My daughter is a great kid, but because she is a perfectionist she says "Mom, I just took the toy away to show him how it should be played with. I'm just teaching him!". Of course, that is not how a 13 month old sees it when his toy is taken away.



When he arches back, squeals, or fusses when he is tired, that is also easily fixed. I put him in his crib for a nap or bedtime. I also try to read the signs that he might be sleepy way before the tantrum comes on. Looking at the clock doesn't work because he is advancing from 2 naps to 1 nap a day, but teetering back and forth. Signs that a toddler may give you that he is sleepy, is being less active, getting mad at the toys, rubbing eyes, yawning, or gazing off. When you miss these signs, crying or tantrums may sneak up on you. This can be easily resolved when you are at home, but not so easily fixed when somewhere else. I try to really look at my son's signals he is sending me before going to the grocery store or doing othe shopping. Because for some reason, I am not found of tantrums in the store.



As previously mentioned in other blogs and my profile, I work with infants and toddlers with special needs in their homes and in the community settings. One of the biggest questions I get asked is how to stop the tantrums. This is a loaded question, because the same behavior of squealing or throwing oneself down on the floor can have different reasons. So, I along with the parents/caregivers become investigators. I need to know what happened immediately before the tantrum as well as: How long ago did he wake up? Is he taking any new medications or new dosages? Has he been ill lately? Any unresolved food allergies? And the list goes on. I try to rule out any medical problems that are beyond the child's control. Often, a child with a language or developmental delay has a tantrum because he can't express his needs or wants, or he may just get frustrated later in the day or before naptime because of the extra energy he exerts having to figure things out. Children with delays have to work a lot harder than children who are typically developing. Other reasons for tantrums are to exert control, poor sensory processing, fear, or anxiety.



Be in tuned with your child and read the signals he is giving you to rule out the basics. Although this blog was aimed more towards the older baby or toddler, babies give off signals of frustration or being over-whelmed as well. They may cry, fall asleep from shutdown, be avoidant, etc. For explanations on why babies cry, go to http://www.sense-ablebaby.com/. Also on that site are ways to calm down a baby as these strategies may keep the baby from escalating into full frustration.